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The Worst Weekend Ever

November 30, 2009

Man, did this weekend suck for most Illini fans…but especially for me.

/violin music

Instead of writing individual recaps for each travesty, I’m going to combine them in one long sob story. Please remove all sharp objects and poisonous substances from your immediate area. Things are about to get emo…

What happens in Vegas gets written about on this blog
First Utah upsets the Illini. Then to add insult to injury, Weber’s squad drops a half-assed game against a clearly inferior in-state Bradley team. Oi. Good things all my friends have functional brains and avoided going to Bradley for school. Uber-Frosh Brandon Paul had a total of 12 points in two games and offensive catalyst Demetri McCamey dished out eight turnovers for the weekend. They played without passion, energy, or determination. Maybe it was the small venue or the lack of concentration due to the Vegas lights, but this was not the same Illini team we saw in Champaign. What the hell man?
Silver lining: Hard to find anything positive here, but I think Illinois was exposed. I’ve said it many times, but this is NOT a top 25 team. Hopefully this will be the humbling experience the team (and Illini fans) need in order to understand the purpose of this season: rebuilding.

Illinois football is quickly becoming the red-headed stepchild of Illini athletics
As almost every other Illini sport seems to be enjoying at least moderate success, the football team can’t help but embarrass the fan base with yet another national TV pants-shatting. To be fair, the offense actually played decently in the 49-36 loss to No. 5 Cincinnati, but the Illini looked no better than a high school team at times. The game was emotionally out of reach by the end of the first half (perhaps even the first quarter), but the ease in which the Bearcats scored was depressing. This game showed how far away the Illini are from having a competitive defense – much less a competitive football program. Also, were the ABC announcers blowing Brain Kelly or what? Get a room guys.
Silver lining: It was nice to see Juice Williams have a solid game (21-for-34, 282 yards passing, 3 passing TDs, 67 yards rushing, rushing TD). Zook banished the senior to pine-riding purgatory a few games ago but this was the Juice of old.

Gopher’ed!
No. 5 Illinois volleyball (yes, I’m talkin’ ’bout volleyball suckers) lost to No. 13 Minnesota. Not only does it suck to lose to a conference opponent, but it’s particularly shameful to be defeated by the sub-human Minnesotans. Ick. I need a shower.
Silver lining: It’s volleyball. You may continue on with your lives.

Minnesota strikes again
The Bears get face-banged by the Brett Favre Vikings 36-10. This game was physically painful for me to watch. Jay Culter actually had a decent game considering what he was working with, but sweet fancy Moses the Bears defense was awful.
Silver lining: Spring Training is only three months away.

The (digital) Bears will never know (digital) 16-0
After starting my Madden franchise 12-0, I was finally defeated by…the Packers. Fuck you (digital) ’72 Dolphins.
Silver lining: The Packers were already eliminated from the playoffs, thus making my march to the Super Bowl inevitable.

So who is to blame for all my woes this weekend. I have a theory…

Thanks to Al for the screen grab

The Chief returns to take his vengeance on Illini fans! It is the winter of our discontent! Run for your lives!

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Ben permalink
    November 30, 2009 4:35 pm

    Charlie the Hutt for Bears Offensive Coordinator?

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